Perfeksionis: ingin selalu menjadi sempurna dalam segala aspek: fisik, prestasi, dalam seksual juga.
Berusaha sebaik2nya vs perfeksionis: apa bedanya?
Apa ciri-cirinya orang perfeksionis? dalam kehidupan sehari2: Pada bentuknya sebagai penyakit, perfeksionisme dapat menyebabkan seseorang memiliki perhatian berlebih terhadap detail suatu hal dan bersifat obsesif-kompulsif, sensitif terhadap kritik, cemas berkepanjangan, keras kepala, berpikir sempit, dan suka menunda.
Dalam hal seksual: akan menjadi hambatan:
1. waktu: inginnya waktu yang panjang/ lama
2. dalam keadaan santai, rileks
3. mandi dulu, berdandan lama,
4. pikiran tenang dulu
5. pilih pakaian
6. kebersihan kamar, ranjang, sprei, wewangian
7. ingin tampil semenarik mungkin
8. kurang pede dengan tubuhnya, ada bagian tubuh yang dirasa ‘kurang’ terus..
9. kurang pede dengan kemampuan seksualnya
Problemnya adalah:
1. butuh waktu persiapan yang lama
2. sering menunda2 seks bila waktunya dianggap tidak perfect
3. mengkritik pasangan yang dianggap kurang sempurna dalam hal stamina, bentuk tubuh, teknik bercinta
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Penelitian1:
Stoeber, J., Harvey, L. N., Almeida, I., & Lyons, E. (2013). Multidimensional sexual perfectionism. Archives Of Sexual Behavior, 42(8), 1593-1604. doi:10.1007/s10508-013-0135-8
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To investigate this problem, psychologist Jochim Stoeber at the University of Kent and his colleagues looked at what they called “multidimensional” sexual perfectionism. They recognized that this approach to sexuality isn’t a single trait, but comprises four components. See which might apply to you or your partner:
Self-oriented—wanting to be the perfect sexual partner. (“I have very high expectations for myself as a sexual partner.”)
Partner-oriented—wanting your partner to be perfect.
Partner-prescribed—feeling that your partner expects you to be perfect.
Socially-prescribed—feeling that society expects you to be perfect.
Stoeber and his team surveyed 272 students ranging in age from 18 to 45 years old (the mean was 20). In addition to measures of sexual perfectionism, participants provided ratings of their sexual self-esteem (how good they feel about their sexuality); self-esteem (self-ratings of sexual skill); optimism (believing you will have positive sexual relations in the future); self-blame (the belief that if things are going badly you’re at fault); depression (being sad about the sexual aspects of your life); and anxiety (you’re anxious when you think about sex).
The Stoeber team also asked about whether each individual was plagued by perfectionistic thoughts in general (“I feel miserable if I make a mistake”). Finally, as you would expect, participants rated their sexual satisfaction. Most participants were female, but there were enough men to allow gender comparisons on all of these types of questions.
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Penelitian2:
Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment
December 1999, Volume 21, Issue 4, pp 307-322
Perfectionism and Sexual Satisfaction in Intimate Relationships
by A. Marie Habke, Paul L. Hewitt, Gordon L. Flett
Abstract
This study sought to provide information on the relations between trait perfectionism and perfectionistic self-presentation and sexual satisfaction in married couples. A sample of 74 married or cohabiting couples were recruited from the community to participate in the study. They completed measures of perfectionism, perfectionistic self-presentation, sexual satisfaction, dyadic adjustment, and depression. The results showed that the interpersonal dimensions of trait perfectionism were negatively related to general sexual satisfaction and sexual satisfaction with the partner for both husbands and wives. After partialing out marital satisfaction and depression, the husband’s sexual satisfaction was significantly negatively correlated with his own socially prescribed perfectionism and with his wife’s ratings of other-oriented perfectionism. The wife’s satisfaction was significantly negatively correlated both with her husband’s socially prescribed perfectionism and with her own socially prescribed perfectionism, other-oriented perfectionism, and perfectionistic self-presentation. Regression analyses suggest that the wife’s other-oriented perfectionism is a unique predictor of her general lower sexual satisfaction and her husband’s lower satisfaction with her contribution to the sexual relationship. Overall, the findings suggest that perfectionistic expectations have an important role to play in sexual satisfaction in married couples.
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Perfeksionisme adalah keyakinan bahwa seseorang harus menjadi sempurna untuk mencapai kondisi terbaik pada aspek fisik ataupun non-materi. Perfeksionis adalah orang yang memiliki pandangan perfeksionisme.
Hal-hal yang dapat menghambat keberhasilan dalam hal apapun. Orang yang potensial, namun perfeksionis akan terhambat kemampuannya.
Hasrat menciptakan produk atau sesuatu yang terbaik adalah hal yang perlu, namun seorang perfeksionis akan menemukan banyak rintangan yang sama sekali tidak perlu.
Masalah perfeksionis adalah tindakannya yang cenderung suka menunda-nunda dan akhirnya capek sendiri.
Obsesinya akan kesempurnaan menjadi beban pikiran dan meletihkan perasaannya. Orang perfeksionis akan cepat kehabisan energi karena terus cemas tentang bagaimana menyempurnakan sesuatu yang akan dikerjakannya atau berpikir seandainya dulu saya begini atau begitu.
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Terapi:
Behav Res Ther. 2007 Sep; 45(9): 2221–2231.
A randomised controlled trial of cognitive-behaviour therapy for clinical perfectionism: A preliminary study
Caroline Riley,? Michelle Lee, Zafra Cooper, Christopher G. Fairburn, and Roz Shafran
Abstract
Perfectionism can be a problem in its own right and it can impede the progress of treatment of Axis I disorders. This study reports on a preliminary randomised controlled trial of cognitive-behaviour therapy (CBT) for “clinical perfectionism”. Twenty participants were randomly assigned to either immediate treatment (IT) (n=10) or a waitlist (NL) (n=10). Treatment consisted of ten sessions of CBT over eight weeks. Two participants did not complete the follow-up assessments (10%). Fifteen of the original 20 participants (75%) were clinically significantly improved after treatment and the effect size was large (1.8). Treatment gains were maintained at 8-week and 16-week follow-up.
Keywords: Cognitive-behaviour therapy, Clinical perfectionism, Randomised controlled trial
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Terapi:
1. Menyadari bahwa perfeksionis nya itu adalah problem, misalnya: selalu cemas dengan penampilan, kemampuan, terlalu lama dalam persiapan, terlalu ribet dalam pelaksanaan.
2. Mencari penyebab perfeksionisnya, misal krn pendidikan waktu kecil yang selalu menekankan kesempurnaan dan tidak boleh ada kesalahan
3. Mengetahui perbandingan antara ‘selalu sempurna’ dan ‘berusaha yang terbaik’
4. Mengubah standar agar tidak terlalu tinggi,
5. Tidak selalu self criticism
6. Boleh gagal, dan mengubah definisi kegagalan.
7. Memperluas wawasan tentang kesempurnaan dan keberhasilan, dari melihat role model/ idola/ tokoh/ orang lain.
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Dr. Andi Sugiarto, SpRM Seksologi Semarang